heartbroken.

I wake up this morning only to turn on the t.v. and see the same stories.  The devastation, the unthinkable, the utter sadness.  I think the blur of yesterday warrants you to wake up the next morning with the hope that it was all a nightmare.  The hope that it was not real.

Our hearts are broken.
When you think you may be all cried out, they roll again.  And the tears will continue to roll for some time.  The babies calling out for their mamas, the teachers showing the ultimate care and sacrifice, the first responders and all those witnessing the horrifying scene, the families of every single person; child involved.  child.  children.  It's so hard to even say those words in these circumstances.
It is too difficult, too devastating to comprehend.

As a parent, it's beyond words.  I snuggle my girl tighter.  I cuddle with her longer.  I don't mind at all that she is more clingy to me lately than usual.  I'll take every embrace that I can.  I lay in bed last night just waiting for her to wake, missing her, almost hoping this is a night she will wake and I can hold her in the night.  She did.  We snuggled and cuddled and there was no greater feeling than her little beating heart resting on mine.

As a teacher, it's too easy to picture. Imagining the principal greeting the school in the morning, children getting settled into their classrooms, teachers smiling, teaching, loving those little ones.  Teachers caring for their students, their children in every way possible.  Teachers who are entrusted each and every day to keep these babies safe.  The classroom is a second home, the children are a second family.  And these teachers who did everything in their power to keep their kids safe, they are remarkable.  Some reading books to their kids to keep them calm and distracted, some trying to keep their innocent little minds as safe and protected as possible as well, some pulling kids out of harms way, and all putting themselves at risk to protect the children first. 

Something sunk in for me this morning as people were talking about 9/11.  So many precautions were taken following, new laws and precautions, so much training for pilots, flight attendants, for their safety, for passenger safety. 
Why are we not yet there with our schools?  Our children?   Too many incidents we have already experienced.
Political issues will be discussed, gun violence, school safety, mental health awareness.  But as one of the Newtown community members said, we need to all come together for good things to happen.

As fear has sunk in a little deeper for families, we hold onto one thing that keeps us going... hope.
Hope that there will be change.  Hope for a future where our children will be safe, and that they will not have fear for the safety of their own children one day. 

My heart aches for all those children who did not get to go home and sleep in their beds last night, or get hugged a little tighter like the rest.  There are no words.
To all the families, I am so so sorry for your loss. 
Our thoughts and prayers and support are with you.